Perceiving Perception

I recently asked a very similar, if not, exactly the same question. Since then, I have continued to ask questions and seek help and I feel I am well on my way on my quest for optimum health.

I came to a realization about 6 weeks ago, that I felt anger every single day.  Whether it be in short spurts or last for hours on end, I could not pinpoint a reason for this anger.  Not only was I angry, but I would have abdominal pains so badly, I was short of breath and could not stand, along with other physical ailments.  I saw medical doctors, naturopaths, and a doctor of chinese medicine.  None of these physicians could 'diagnose' anything or suggest anything to ease the pain, which frustrated me further, adding to my anger.  

Finally I decided to 'ask for help'.  I looked up at the sky and I just said Please help me.  Soon, there were all kinds of guides appearing and leading me to an answer.  It was as if the minute I let go of needing to be in control; needing to divert the river if you will, I was given a raft to navigate the river.  

So, guiding myself through books, conversations with friends, acupuncture treatments, diet control (for low blood sugar, and with the help of a doctor of chinese medicine), this website,  I began to realize from where this gripping, exhausting emotion was stemming.

I had deep rooted emotional disturbances that began when I was a child, about 5 or 6.  My parents constantly fought, my dad had an issue with alcohol, anger was a prevalent emotion in my family....and thought of as normal.  As I began to heal, I realized I had taken on these emotions and carried them with me my whole life.  Everyday.  Without even realizing that was what was so greatly affecting my physical health. 

Once I began seeing where this was coming from, I started to go back to events that stuck out the most, replaying them in my mind, and asking myself "what emotions are connected with this event?" The answer Anger was the most common.  Guilt was the next.  

Everytime I answered guilt, I would ask myself "Are you willing to take credit for that?"  eg. Are you willing to take credit for the vase you broke?  Yes I am.  Can I do anything now to right it?  Well, I could apologize, replace it, or just let it go.  That's easy.  But, a question like, Are you willing to take credit for your fathers alcoholism? No, absolutely not.  That is his issue and he will need to deal with it when he feels he can, wants to, etc.  So by organizing my thoughts this way, I found an easier approach because I could take responsibility for my actions, and realize the actions of others that hurt me, were not my doing and I cannot take responsibility, which lightened the load quite a bit.

My mom came to visit a few weeks ago and I had a long talk with her.  I told her everything that was bothering me.  I was able to do it in a loving approach because I held no blame.  She said: "Oh my god, I always thought it was me absorbing the anger".  In that one sentence I was able to let everything go, because her perception was all I needed.

An object sitting in the middle of the room can look entirely different to each person standing in each of the four corners of the room. I believe it to be the same in life.  Sometimes when we look at a situation we can only see one side of it, making us feel angry, or have regrets, or hold grudges.  We need to open ourselves and look at the entire situation to get a true perspective and realize we can only hurt ourselves by holding onto these emotions.

I think anger is something that needs to be released; it is a necessary emotion at the right time, but it is not necessary for everyday living.  To cope with toxic feelings and problems, deal with them or let go of them.  Once I started to do this, I began to see my self-worth and positive things started happening.  The most noticeable being my physical health.  I no longer have abdominal pains, nor do I feel like anger controls me.  Life is wonderful and I am so grateful for all of it's offerings.  Let us embrace happiness and discontinue abusing anger.  Everybody on this Earth has something beautiful to offer.  Trust life will guide you to the right place and allow you to offer what you need to.