Balance and Being Calm

I'm posting this in response to the question "anxiety and serious panic attacks". My short answer would be: "Sorry, can't help. I've never had 'em". But my longer answer would go something like: "Well, although I haven't had anxiety/panic attacks, I have, throughout my life, experienced recurring bouts of belligerence, sometimes ramped up to rage. Maybe what I've learned from those episodes can help."

I'm a 45-year-old man. I often tell folks my theory about people in their 40s. I say: "In our 40s, we come to a crossroads. At that crossroads, either we figure out and fix our recurring mental and physical problems, and then age gracefully from that point on, or we don't figure it out and don't fix it, and we age with difficulty." 

Basically, my theory is that, by our 40s, the mental problems we face, and the physical problems we face, have been with us for many decades, and have recurred over and over. So, theoretically, it should be easy for any of us in our 40s to notice these patterns. But although some of us do, it seems that many don't.

So the first thing I'll say to the questioner is: Great that you're looking for natural remedies. Cut yourself a break if they don't "cure" you instantly. Even though at 23 you are now a "woman", you're still just barely out of your teens, when all of us were buried deep in our hormone surges. At 23 you're just getting started at the game of self-improvement. This game ain't easy and there's no quick fix. So I'd urge you to not look for the "perfect", "final", "quick" fix to your problems. It doesn't exist. Instead, look for things what will show you some progress. Even at the "Great Crossroads of our 40s", that's all we can hope for: steady progress.

Another belief of mine is that each of us has some persistent way in which we "suck". But the way in which each of us "sucks" is different for differrent people. For example, as mentioned, I "suck" when I get belligerent; the author "sucks" when she get anxious or panicked; others "suck" when they become manic; still others when they freeze and become mute; etc.

So I'll say: Cut yourself a break for being anxious and panicky. Sure most people aren't like that. But trust me, everybody sucks in some way. Anxiety/panicking just happens to be your thing. Eveybody else has their own thing.

One extra difficuly you might have with your thing is if you live in the U.S. if that's where you live, your problem is extra tough because this country loves the illusion of perfect and eternal happiness (not to mention perfect breasts, lots of money, eternal "coolness", etc.). Living in a delusional culture like ours can be tough when you feel the opposite regularly. Just remember that whatever you see on TV and in the movies is bullshit. Buy the ticket; don't buy the message.

Anyway, with all of that introduction, here are a few random thoughts for you:

1. It comes from your childhood. This is one of those things I've discovered in my 40s. It seems that any "anomalous" behavior of myself, my wife, or other intimate colleague, can be traced directly back to experiences in our childhood. That is, back then, we were told or saw things that caused us to form certain false beliefs in our young heads. Over the years, those beliefs became buried and unstated. But even though buried, they would cause the anomalous behavior. Later, in our older years, when we surface those childhood beliefs, and expose them to the light of our adult day, they're obviously false. This "exposing to the light of day" process tends to reduce the frequency and depth of the anomalous behavior. For example, where you write "It's like if I don't respond fast, they might not like me", I'll bet anything that there were exepriences in your childhood that made you form some beliefs resulting in that behavior of yours. If you could articulate those beliefs and say them out loud, they might seem silly, childish and false to you (I hedge with "might" because you're 23, not 43).

2. Eat well.  Try eating and drinking nothing that comes with an ingredients label. What's left to eat? Organic fruit and veggies, raw nuts, beans, fish and foul, water, herbal tea, etc. Try cutting out all processed food, dairy, sweets, wheat, and all drinks other than water and herbal tea. Try this for at least two weeks and see what happens. One quick sidebar: My wife and I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. My wife is a wonderful mother and our daughter is incredible every which way we slice it (e.g. intelligence, physicality, emotional balance, etc.). But if we give her processed sugar in any form, she becomes the Tasmanian Devil. Llike a shape-shifter. A whole different little creature. Dairy will ruin her sleep. Etc. I'll bet anything you're eating some foods/drinking some liquids, that are exacerbating your anxiety/panicky behavior.

3. Meditation/Yoga/Qi Gong. Recommendation #1 is about your conscious intellect. #2 is about what you put in your mouth. #3 is about what you do with your body. The basic idea here is to do things with your body that tend to bring you back to balance and calmness. I've found these practices to be extremely useful for that purpose. Just use the search box at the top of the page to see what others have said about them. There are other physical practices that can help in this regard. Long, brisk, but not frantic walks. Runs. Chopping wood in the sun. The idea is rhythmic activity that tends, through the repetition, to induce calmness. Practice makes perfect (or, at least, makes it a little better).

Good luck! Keep us posted.