My Mom

What does this particular blog have to do with body/mind/health?  Maybe nothing.  Maybe just selfishly, I have written it for my own peace of mind.

My motivation for writing this, treads on the tail of criticisms from 2 people, that have come my way through second hand delivery.  One individual is horrified with my "indescretion" in my writings.  The other believes I am a "bitch" and asks that I be kinder in my writings.

Everyone experiences life differently. 

My mother was the most loving person I ever knew.  To this day, even though I am married to the most wonderful man I know, I still get rare moments of feeling this:  "now that mom is gone, no one will ever love me that much again".  Yes, I understand about self-love, and the love of the Divine, etc. but a mother's love, especially my mom's, was paramount.

She was funny and enthusiastic.  She had tons of energy and always loved to try new things, like taking up running in races in her late 50s when she had never run before in her life.  Her hugs and well wishes were beyond compare.  I certainly miss hugging her back, and the missing comes during rare moments when I let myself drift back to those times she was still alive.

She was always there for me.  Always.  I knew that I could depend on her and that no matter what I did, what I said .... she would always, but always be in my corner.

She was tender-hearted and very compassionate.

She was also human.  And while she was often happy and full of life, there were blips of deep depression she experienced.  I believe they were related to all of the following factors:  genetics, food allergies, hormone deficiency and her history of childhood abuse.

The fact that I write a little blurb about a dysfunctional experience I had with my mom as child on this website, in no way takes away from my eternal love for a woman who has given me life, who has taught me how to be compassionate and affectionate, who has loved my husband and my children with great intensity, and who now lies six feet buried in the ground for almost 10 years.

Conversley, I think that instead of "being discrete" or being "kind" with keeping my thoughts and opinions to myself, the greatest action, the greatest discretion and kindness I can take to keep my mom's spirit alive, is to talk about her. 

Above all, she was human, like everyone else.  And like most people, she was neither saint, nor devil.  But a human being who loved intensely, who had challenges along the way, and who did the very best she could with what she knew and what she had.

This is no different than anyone of us. 

We just have different ways of travelling our journey through life.  And expressing my thoughts on a website that has a mere 49 users (and 95% of them don't even read these blogs) is not what I would call "indiscrete" or "unkind".

Actually, I believe I am and continue to be a loving daughter, in constant gratitude for the mother I had for 39 years, and I will continue to sing her praises, explore past unhealthy experiences when issues arise, and continue to seek closure with her death.