A nurse is born.

Born with a congtenital heart defect changed everything for me growing up. To look at me I looked normal and did most of what any other kid would do except that I knew that I had a heart problem . It meant yearly visits to Sick Kids to check on the status of my condition . It meant that my parent's friends knew that one of the children had a heart problem and since my sister and I are only 11 months apart and I had no visible indicator of a problem the question would be,"Are you the little girl with the heart problem?".It became the dreaded question as it made me feel different and somehow like I was a problem.I know that was not their intention but from the place inside me that resented it, rose up an attitude. It was an attitude of ...I"ll show you, Just you watch I can do anything. Swimming lessons were out for me according to the doctors, so my sister could go but not me. How much sense does that make? I guess the one with the heart problem would have more of a problem when her sister could swim and she would drown  . Raised every summer by a lake could pose a problem for the girl with a heart problem.No problem... I taught myself how to swim and problem solved.So I adopted an attitude of independence. At 7 yrs. of age I pestered my Dad daily at the cottage to waterski and the reply was that I was too little for the skiis. Always an excuse. Then one cold day in August Dad broke down and said "yes". I water-skied that day. Up on the 1st try.I did it again ,no problem.However, underneath  this attitude was a scared little girl who worried everynight.After the nightly prayers were said and the warmth of the good night kisses had faded I secretly pleaded to God to forgive me for everything I had done right up until that moment. I wanted to be covered in case something happened in the night. What if I died before I had the surgery that the big people said I needed? What if I died while I was having the operation? So many questions and worries for a little girl.

Then.. the big day was approaching . I was scheduled for open heart surgery at Sick Kids hospital in Toronto. Mom and Dad were with me the night before and had to say their good-byes. This was before the days when parents could spend the night. I was 9 yrs. of age now and the big day would be June !st 1972.Mom looked so scared when she said goodbye .I understand that with a different appreciation now that I am a mother myself.It must have been torture to leave. I do remember looking at her and saying ,"Don't worry , Jesus is with me.",and I truly believed that with my whole heart.Mom tried to hold back the tears but I saw them.Morning came quickly and I was on my own."Time to wake up Kim, you need to have  your phisohex bath and remember nothing to eat.". So off I went to have a phisohex bath (funny smelling soap I remember) and the other smell was the bacon smell . That was breakfast for the lucky kids that could eat .It was time. They put me on the stretcher and wheeled me to the big room and there I lay staring at the green tiles, freezing cold , all alone, and not sure if I would ever see my family again.

Next , I lay groggy and kind of hurting all over, and from a loud speaker in the I.C.U. I heard a voice ask the nurse if my parents could come in to see me. I knew then that I was alive .My mom and dad came in and my dad asked me if I was okay, I replied  by asking him ,"Dad, when can I waterski again?".He was relieved by my answer and knew that in everyway I was okay.Mom tells me she had to leave as seeing her little girls body bloated and hooked up to all the machines was too much to witness.

Next, was my memory of her. She had long brunette hair all done up in a bun, She was young , she was pretty and she was so nice. She was gentle and she didn't treat me like a problem.She helped me out of my bed with all the tubes to manage and sat me in a chair where I ate  yellow  jello for my 1st post -op meal.She told me if I cooperated and did the deep breathing and coughing (which hurt really bad) I would get better really fast. She was on my side. She believed I could get better and she would help me.Then it happened . A nurse was born. Inside of me the seed was planted. I wanted to be to others what she was to me. Looking back I can't say anything she did that was phenomenal only that she had a presence that offered hope in such a loving way .

The seed of hope planted within me that day changed me.She cared for me with heart instead of treating me like someone with a heart problem. .