Mutually Beneficial Relationships

I have decided that I want more for myself.

I believe that a healthy relationship involves a balance between giving and receiving.  I don't think it's healthy to always be receiving.  And I don't think it's healthy to always be giving.

At the end of the day, I believe that we are always doing things because we believe it will benefit ourselves.  Even when we give to others, we are doing it not only because we believe it will benefit others, but we also do it because we believe it will benefit ourselves.

For me, it's time to let go of certain friendships. 

I've been working on 4 different projects lately, all of which I am excited and interested in, and some of which I am passionate about.  I had worked over 5000 hours and 7 years on one of my projects.  I asked 2 different friends to try it out and give it back to me in a week with some feedback.  Both friends returned my project to me and said they didn't have time to try it out.

Time.  This is an interesting concept.  I don't believe that people don't have time.  People have priorities.  For all of us, certain things are high on the totem pole of priorities.  And certain things are low on the totem pole.  My happiness, marriage and children are highest on the totem pole.  Polishing my shoes is about as low on the totem pole as I can go.

Obviously, my years of efforts on the project and my request for feedback was quite low on the totem pole for these 2 friends. 

Had these friends been mere aquantainces, I could understand why my project would be low on the totem pole for them.  But these 2 people were also clients that I saw as a professional, and I charged them no fee for my services because they were friends.  When they were in crisis or needed my help, I was always there. This freebee arrangement will now change, because I am interested in mutually beneficial relationships with all people.  Ones where I give as well as receive, and my friends are also on that same wave length.

One of the reasons that my marriage is so wonderful, is because there is a beautiful balance between giving and receiving.  We both do it, and we do it in an exquisite dance of give - receive, give - receive, give - receive.

In relationships where there is only give - give - give - give - give - give coming from one person, the relationship will become diseased.  On the other hand, where there is only receive - receive - receive - receive - receive - receive coming from the other person, the relationship will also become diseased.

I have some relationships where I mostly do all of the giving.  Those particular friendships I am now letting go of. 

On the other hand, my relationship with my 13-year old daughter has been one where I do most all of the giving, and she does most all of the receiving.  I'm definately not letting go of that relationship!! However, things are going to change in our home from here on in.

I sat down with this daughter of mine and told her about my belief regarding balance.  I told her how her dad and I continually help her with things and that there was not a balance in our relationship.  I wanted a balance I told her.  She suggested that she could write down on a piece of paper things that she could do every day to help me and my husband.  That would balance things out, she thought.  Yup.  Even the thought of her contemplating how she could do something for the benefit of someone else, instead of constantly displaying a "me, me, me" attitude, started to create more balance in our home.

Mutually beneficial relationships are important not only between lovers and friends, but are also important between parents and children. They are important because our children can then experience both the joy of receiving and the joy of giving. 

Balance is truly sublime.